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PPI #146: 5 Bad Habits that DESTROY your Confidence

Eric Partaker

5 Bad Habits that DESTROY your Confidence// Every day we do things that are fantastic for our confidence and self esteem, but we also do things that can destroy them. In this video, I will share the unhealthy habits that lower your confidence and hold you back from being able to reach your full potential in life. Choose to stop bad habits now and watch this for a confidence boost, showing how you can achieve anything you want through believing in yourself.


Do You Spend Too Much Time On Social Media? – Are you spending too much time comparing yourself to others on social media? The only person you should be comparing yourself to is the person you were yesterday.

Optimalist > Perfectionist – The perfect moment will never arrive. You’ll never be quite ready, but it’s the act of doing and trying that makes you better, that will increase your confidence. So don’t be a perfectionist, be an optimalist.

Do You Allow Others To Make Decisions For You? – Don’t allow others to control you and make you feel like you can’t do the things you want to do. Nobody can allow you to feel inferior about yourself unless you allow them to do it. 

Your Past Doesn’t Define You! – Don’t dwell on the past. Look at where you are now, and where you want to go. Make decisions about what you need to do to move forward, and how you can get to that point. Look forward not back.

Align With Your Values – What do you value. Think about your best self on the health, work and relationship front. Give that identity a name. What does your best look like in each of those domains? Allow that best self guide your behaviour each day. 


There are five things that people tend to do which destroy their confidence. You may do one or all of these things, but if you do any of them, you’re guaranteed to not reach your full potential because you won’t be as confident as you need to be. Today, I’m going to point out what these five things are, how you can recognize them, stop them, and work on becoming your most unstoppable confident self.

Hi, my name is Eric Partaker, and I’ve been recognized as the CEO of the year, and I’m also the author of two best-selling books, including The 3 Alarms. Now, personally, I’ve committed all five of these mistakes at various points in my life, all of which held me back from becoming the most confident person that I could be. Now, you may already believe that you’re as confident as you need to be, but stick around, because I’m sure you’re doing at least one of these things, and your level of confidence could be a lot higher than it currently is.

So one of the things that people do that destroys their confidence is that they spend too much time on social media. Ask yourself, are you spending too much time on social media comparing yourself to others? Because the only person that you should be comparing yourself to is the person that you were yesterday. That’s your goal, just become 1% better than the person you were yesterday. And over time, day, after day, after day, you’ll become a more confident and successful person.

The second thing that people often do is that they’re perfectionists. Maybe they’re waiting for that perfect moment to arrive, or they’re waiting to be fully trained up and fully capable of doing that new thing before they even ever give it a try. This is something that I really struggled with personally. For years, I wouldn’t do certain things or try out new things because I was worried that it wasn’t ready yet. But here’s the thing, the perfect moment will never arrive. You’ll never be quite ready, but it’s the act of doing and trying that makes you better, that will increase your confidence. So don’t be a perfectionist instead, be an optimalist. Try to do stuff at your best, but don’t require it to be perfect.

Another thing that people do that destroys their confidence is that they allow others to make their decisions. Maybe they’re in a toxic relationship or in a controlling relationship, and there’s nothing worse than being controlled and made to feel like you can’t do the things that you want to do. That is an absolute self-confidence destroyer. And remember, nobody can allow you to feel inferior about yourself unless you allow them to do it.

Another way that people destroy their self-confidence or their ability to become a more confident version of themselves is by being stuck in the past. They think about all the things that didn’t go right, all the things that could have been, and they keep going through this in their head over and over and over. What if, what if, what if? One of the most fantastic things that you can do for yourself, for your confidence, for your success, is to recognize that the best way to build a better future is to create it. And the way we create a better future is by looking at where we are right now in the present, looking at where we want to go, and then making the decision about the things that we need to do, how we need to be in order to get to that point. We’re looking from where we are forward, not from where we are back.

So if you find yourself stuck in the past, if you find yourself thinking too many times about how things could have been and what you could have done differently, be careful. Those things can be good to help you focus on what you should be doing better going forward, but don’t spend too much time in the past. Keep your focus on the present and the future.

And the number five confidence destroyer is acting in ways that don’t align with your values, acting in ways that don’t align with you at your best. If you find that you’re acting in a way that’s incongruent with the best version of you, that is going to destroy your confidence. For example, if you value being bold and courageous, but yet you find that you’re acting in a kind of weak, and feeble, and reserved way, that’s going to destroy your confidence. If you are a generous person, but suddenly you find yourself being quite greedy towards others, it’s going to hurt your confidence, your self belief. So how do we do that better? How do we actually overcome those feelings of incongruency, those feelings of not acting in alignment with our values?

Well, the first thing that we needed to do is we need to define, well, what is it that you value? Highly, highly encourage you to think about your best self, on the health front, on the work front, on the relationship front. Give that identity a name. What is you at your best and each of those domains look like? Give it a name. What’s the superhero version of you in each of those three areas, health, work, relationships? And then think of three words, three words that describe the behavior of that version of you. For example, every morning when I go to the gym, it’s not me who goes to the gym, it’s the world fitness champion. I’m not a world fitness champion, I never will be, but that’s the mentality that I go with to the gym in the morning.

And I have three words that help guide the behavior of me when I’m acting as if I’m that version of me, and those three words are strong, I want to show up at the gym with a strong self-belief, feeling strong, physically, mentally. Disciplined, I show up whether I feel like it or not, because that’s incongruence, that’s congruent with the world fitness champion identity. And last but not least, I’m pain seeking, and I know that might sound a little bit crazy, but I know that for me to do my best physically in the gym, that I have to walk towards this comfort, that I have to step into it. And that if I act in congruence with all those three values, while I’m there, in my workout, as my world fitness champion self, I will boost my self-confidence, because I’m acting in alignment with my values.

I’ll give you another example on the home front, when I get home. Every single day, when I get home at 6:30 PM, an alarm goes off on my phone and it says, “World’s best husband and father,” to prompt a question, how would the world’s best husband and father walk through that door right now? And I have three words that I associate with me at my best on that front as well, and they are playful, loving, and laughter. And if I walk into my house and if I feel that I’m acting in a way that’s in alignment with those three values, in a loving way, in a playful way, and full of laughter, then it does wonders for my self-confidence. It makes me feel like I’m in alignment with the very best version of me.

So my question to you is do you act in alignment with what you value? And my second question to you is have you taken the time to even define what it is that you value? And not what you value currently, but what does the best version of you value in the areas of life that matter most? Do you know what those three words are in each of those areas to guide your behavior, and do you ever take time to sit back and reflect is my behavior in alignment with those values? Because if you are not as confident as you would like to be, or maybe you think that you already are as confident as you could be, if you engage in this exercise and you take the time to define what best looks like, what you would value from that point of view, then it will work wonders for your self-confidence, growth, and development.

There you have it. You want to be a more confident person? Well, are you doing any one of those five things, because you might be getting in your own way. Are you already a super confident person or you think that you are? Well, still, think back, are you doing any of those five things? Because if you eliminate those, then you can become even more confident. And then think, what could you achieve if you were more confident? No matter where your confidence is starting from, if you had more, what could you achieve?

Well, you certainly won’t be achieving less, you’ll certainly have a chance to achieve more. Achieve more of your dreams, achieve more of your goals, all linked to your self-confidence, your belief in yourself, your belief that you can carry on, no matter what frustrations, difficulties, challenges, or adversities come in your way. You can do it and never give up.

And I’d love to hear from you, so don’t forget to leave a comment and a rating, as well. If you’d like to get a copy of my new book, The 3 Alarms, please head over to my website That’s E-R-I-C,, where you could pick up a free digital copy of my new best-selling book, The 3 Alarms.

Eric has been named "CEO of the Year" at the 2019 Business Excellence Awards, one of the "Top 30 Entrepreneurs in the UK" by Startups Magazine, and among "Britain's 27 Most Disruptive Entrepreneurs" by The Telegraph.

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